On the Mary Sues That Reach DeepGround
by ShiningSugar14
Summary: A parody/fix-fic. The Tsviets come across a girl. Rated for safety.


Because the amount of Mary Sues in the fandom are making me dry-heave.

Many thanks to ReadingChick, Zaz and Yukiko.

I own nothing except that Mary Sue. And, even then, I'd disown her if I could.

* * *

"What have we here, Nero?"

I opened my green eyes (which turn purple when it rains) to see a beautiful man standing over me. No, that's two beautiful men, completely opposite of each other. The one on the left has stunning white hair that towers to the heavens and ice blue eyes that pierce my soul. The other man has flowing, dark hair that come in spikes off his head and red eyes that could have been suns setting in the distance. They are easily the most beautiful men I've ever laid my eyes on.

The one with the white hair reaches forward and takes a lock of my corn-silk hair in one of his perfect hands. He examines it, running his thumb along the golden strands that shimmer in the pale light. "Probably fell through. Might be a scientist's daughter. She looks around five-years old."

How dare they try to judge my age because of my youthful luster? "I'm eighteen, you bastards!" I shriek, standing up and letting the hem of my white dress (unstained, even after lying on that floor for God knows how long) fall past my luscious kneecaps. "My name is Ruby Jannetta Alice Marie Leia Rosaline Angelina Fictura Francesca Anntoinette IX and you two had better be nice to me!"

"Or what?" The white haired man suddenly drew a sword with a gun barrel on it and pointed it at me. "You'll cry for help from your parents?"

"I think she'll simply cry, Weiss." The other (Nero, I suppose) drew two guns from holsters on his waist and two more with the metal wings on his back. His wings were beautiful. Like an angel's wings, only industrial and gorgeous. I reach one finger out to touch the flat edge of one of the blades only to get cut. The blood seeped from my finger as I cried out and I ran to Weiss, only to get pulled backwards by my hair. Since my hair is so long, I was able to turn around and see the red-haired woman pulling on my gorgeous locks.

"Didn't want you to get blood on you, Weiss," she crooned in a seductive purr that was so very similar to mine.

"You wanted it for yourself then, Rosso." A hulking man stepped out from behind her. He reminded me of my father and I was instantly overwhelmed with desire to run to his tree-trunk-like arms and be held.

"Do you have an issue with that, dah-rling?" Rosso pulled on my hair tighter, making me yelp like the adorable puppies that I took care of when I wasn't feeding orphans.

"Not at all. As long as I can take the last breath of life from her."

"Naturally," Nero says, "You'll want her to fight first?"

"Of course." Rosso pushed me forward to fight this behemoth of a man. I took my sword, passed down from my elven grandmother, and run to fight the beast… Only to feel a stab of electricity run through my belly.

* * *

Azul raised a brow as Shelke ran the smaller girl through and watched as she lay on the ground, gasping for breath. "You've taken the fun out of it," he rumbled.

"We have more important issues to be attending to than this nuisance. You would be forcing her to stand and fight for hours, easily." Azul merely gave a huff of disdain before turning and lumbering away.

"Ever the pragmatist, Shelke." They had all gathered around the dying girl by this point. Weiss stepped forward and pointed his blade at her belly. Slowly and neatly, he bisected the cloth and skin covering the girl's stomach. She released a shriek of horror that could have brought a regular building to its foundations. Weiss cringed. "Someone shut her up."

Rosso stuck one end of her blade through the girl's mouth, feeling a clink as the tip of her blade connected with the floor. "What did she say her name was?" This was a game of Rosso's, speaking to the dead as they were dying.

"It was long," Nero replied. "Ruby Janette something…"

"She should have a shorter name."

Shelke, leaning against the doorway, called out, "Mary Sue was a common name above ground for girls."

"Mary Sue it is then." Weiss said, pulling his sword out with a flourish. Satisfied that the last of Mary Sue's bones had been broken (courtesy of Azul), blood had been drained (Rosso's work), appendages had been bolted to the floor with bullets (Nero's) and her remains carved up as a warning to the others (Weiss), the Tsviets left the room with grim grins.


End file.
